What Is A Pro Wrestling Snap Bump?

At forty-three years old, with no history of sport or athletics, I thought it would be fun to go to wrestling school. I'm three months in at Supreme Pro Wrestling in Sacramento. 

Guess what, asshole? 

You can do it, too.

A dude is running at you full steam. He sticks his arm out and catches you with a clothesline. What do you do?

You take a snap bump. 

How To Take A Snap Bump

What Is Pro Wrestling School Like?

How's your New Year's Resolution going? Good work on that, Broski. Mine was to become a pro wrestling referee.

Background: I am 43 with a history of easy injuries. Since moving to California I fell out of my exorcise routine and have felt kinda lethargic. So, you know, let's join a wrestling school. Sounds reasonable?

Hey! Supreme Pro Wrestling, here in Sacramento, has a training academy about an hour from my house! You in? I'm in!

What Is Pro Wrestling School like? 

Pro wrestling schools are all different. Your trainer will have a specific philosophy, emphasize certain ideas, techniques, and approaches to the business (brother, brother). The industry doesn't have a move requirement checklist (Powerslam? Check. Boston Crab? Check.), but a good trainer won't "graduate" you if you aren't ready because, as their student, if you suck word will get out that your trainer sucks. And that ain't happening. As a wrestler starting out all you have is the recommendation and reputation of your trainer.

Amazon + Whole Foods = More Bullshit

Recap: Amazon bought Whole Foods.

Who the fuck cares! There's goddamn Nazis and hurricanes and shit! 

First of all, Nazis aren't a real thing. And if everyone's getting hit by hurricanes it's like nobody's getting hit by hurricanes. But this Amazon + Whole Foods thing? That's a stop the presses moment.

Now, you may not know this, but I'm an investigative reporter. And as a professional media person,  I did me some undercover shit this week.

I fucking went into a Whole Foods and asked employees questions! Well, one employee. The one behind the customer service desk.

I did not identify myself as a member of the media elite in case those goddamn hippies have crossbows under the counter. The following conversation is transcribed word for word.

*Note* I may have added a sexual subtext that was not there.  It's hard to remember details.

Review: Superior Amino 2222 Tabs by Optimum Nutrition

I went down to ye ole vitamin shop to pick up some fish oil for my son and thought, "Hey. I'm out of amino acids. I'll pick some up." Right there was my mistake.

When I talk to clients, I always recommend that they do some research on their supplements. I usually say, "google something like Top Rated Supplements and then buy something from the top of the list." This is the multivitamin list that I like, by the way.

So, rather than order the amino acids that I like, I pick up this bottle instead. Not really paying attention. No research.

What did I think? Well...